Contemplation: A Beginner's Guide

So, I've left Hilfield.  I was quite tempted to leave this blog at that.  I have spent a year in a very strange place - and it has really changed me.  What more is there to say?

But I think this year has been too important to allow me to simply draw a line under it and walk away.

Taking time out to immerse yourself in God is a terrifying thing.  It is a life changing thing.  I always felt that when I went to church on a Sunday... so I suppose it shouldn't shock me that the effects of attempting a year-long immersion (admittedly with some struggling and holding of breath on my part) could have a proportionately massive effect.  But it has.

There is a painting, which my grandmother has sent me (in postcard and bookmark form) a few times in the past few years, which I love.  Although the bookmark is busy acquiring a healthy spotting of mould from a book it is living in, it always captures me when I open it for a daily reading.

When I first saw it, I was tempted to say that Holman Hunt's Light of the World was just another beardy Jesus that should be permanently consigned to the cheeseboard of sentimental Victorian art.  But there was something profoundly shocking about the image of Jesus (the all powerful, Son of God etc. etc.) patiently knocking on a door, overgrown with weeds from being shut too long, that has no doorknob on his side, waiting for someone on the other side to open it.

Today, with that image in mind, I wrote this poem.  It is only a first draft, so bear with me (and possibly have a stiff drink to hand).

Contemplation: A Beginner's Guide

Exegesis - the drawing out - can seem

A little tenuous at first, but then

That's it for things that start with where you've been.

You think you'll find your mind at war and when

You've won the fight you'll be at peace.  Creation's

Not quite as you would like.  The explanations

Illude you still.  And so may that remain.

If you would seek a reason from the same

I AM who said 'My thoughts and ways are Mine'

Prepare for disappointment.  Fight no more.

Let darkness drench the space and even time.

Your Christ, love's fire, is beating on the door.

You'll only hear Him in the silence of the night.

And how, without the darkness, will you see His light?

Peace and goodwill, not from Hilfield, but from Winchester.