Wannabe Franciscan: Surviving a Friary

In order to ensure that your stay with the Franciscans is a pleasant one, please read the following advice:

PART ONE - FOOD

a) If you have never cooked crayfish when they are donated to the friary, follow Kerri's lead, play with them for a while in the sink before boiling them for an unspecified period in cajun spices. Give thanks at Evening Prayer that everyone loved them and no one was ill.

b) Crayfish are a fearsome adversary. Remain steadfast in faith. A good flick of the colander also helps.

c) Cheese and broccoli quiche becomes the best thing in the world when you add masses more cheese than usual to it.

d) Cucumber may not be eaten within the friary if it conforms to a normal cucumber shape.

e) St Francis opened the Gospels at random to find out the will of God. This does not work with Love Hearts.

PART TWO - TRIPS OUT

a) It is impossible to take pictures of Michael and Lyndon eating packed lunches and keep them as friends when they see the resulting picture. Also, supervise the making of the sandwiches next time.

b) Franciscans contemplate the scenery in a pretentious manner wherever they go.

c) The big city is exciting, but far better to go to Sidmouth (c/o Waterloo Station btw).

d) People in Dorchester are very proud of their murderous past

PART THREE - The Library

a) Never invite Lord Chief Rabbi Sacks around to see what he has been put next to.

PART FOUR - Administration

a) Amazon send you lots of boxes with one object - there will always be a use for these, even if it is making a toy tractor.

PART FIVE - Animals

a) Always engage with the animals on a trip to the donkey sancturary. They will always make your life better, even if you feel like a small child whilst doing so.